One passage in my rough draft that I think needs help on "idea development" is:
For example, there was one day when I really wasn't having a good day and skating was just not happening for me. One of the older girls in high school came up to me and told me this, "Hey, it's the days that you don't wanna be here, but you still come, that make you a true champion." Those words have been planted into the back of my mind ever since then. Now that she's off in college and I'm one of the older girls to set the example, I try to keep that sayin in my mind and influence others in that way.
I don't think that the passage is very well developed and could have a lot stronger description or cut to the chase a little sooner...any ideas?
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2 comments:
I think that you should add more detail to the context of this quote. Tell more about the girl who said it and why she said it.
Word choice!
Start the paragraph off with a more creative ohrase than the cliche, "for example..."
And I'm sure you could rephrase "skating was just not happening for me" with more descriptive word usage...
I really love the lesson learned from this story!
~H
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